Have you ever found it so desperately difficult to make a choice. Flipping and flopping backwards and forwards, unable to concentrate on anything else. That is where I am. I am stuck between two worlds. Two sets of needs that both require safety, peace, structure.

I have no hope. I have no time. The ticking clock of a decision to be made echoes round the room. A swine of a decision which is mine to make, yet completely unwanted. I did not birth you. I birthed them, and always they will come first.

I can find no peace. I can only drift backwards and forwards. A mind in turmoil. A decision sweeping around in the wind, circling like a paper bag, hitting the floor, wet, crumpled, destroyed.

I have no strength. I have no compassion. The love I felt has been shredded apart, the reality I knew gone. A void, that is what you have become. No better than any of the others that came before you. A victim of yourself. A victim of addiction.